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Commodore's Corner - June 2011

Wind Surfing Banned at Shell Point . . .

No, not really, but recent actions down in Miami to control kite surfers should get our attention. While apparently the danglers brought it upon themselves by the poor behavior of a few, this does point out that beach resources are limited and used more and more. Looking at the sign from Miami-Dade, we pretty much do everything that is banned down there, sometimes in a big way.


Our relationship with Wakulla County and most of the local residents is quite good and allows us to use the beach almost like we owned it, but that always can change quickly. Most of our disagreements with locals don’t even involve windsurfing, usually trees, bonfires, and pulling sandspurs. A couple of weekends ago some young men were fishing at the beach – right at our trailer – and when some of the windsurfers came back to our launch spot, they were snagging fishing lines on fins and centerboards. One of the fishermen yelled to me that windsurfers need to learn how to control where they are going. I replied that fishermen should know better than to set up at the place where windsurfers were launching. So even at Shell Point, you don’t have to act like a puppet surfer to have issues.

The best way to keep our access to Shell Point Beach is to be a considerate beach user.

- Don’t trash the place
- Use the Bath House
- Don’t sprawl gear everywhere when the beach is crowded
- Don’t take up all the parking spaces with a trailer
- Show some aloha to other people on the beach

One of our best programs to keep us on the beach is our lessons. We provide this service under the auspices of Wakulla County Recreation and Bob Andrews has been doing an awesome job the last several years as lessons coordinator. We can always use teachers and helpers, so contact Bob and volunteer!

Just a few wakeups down the road is the NIMBY XV in Gulf Breeze. We have a spectacular (according to Wright) beachfront venue and will be close to some of the best white sand beaches in Florida. There will be windsurf racing, great food, yachting trips and more fun than a barrel of monkeys. Rooms may or may not still be available at the NIMBY rate, so you may want to check. I look forward to seeing you there and thanks to Wright for organizing this event (and all NIMBI).

Respectfully submitted, W.D. Olson, Commodore

PS – The gavel shall return this month and, Bob G., I believe I will re-institute flogging for insubordination, check the by-laws.

Raptured While Sailing

Due to the end of the world predictions that circulated on May 21st, the following has been pondered by many a wise board head throughout time. The beginning thread was begun at the Atlanta Boardsailing Club, where the old wise ones sit upon mountains contemplating such things.

Main thought - Would you rather be raptured or go sailing today? Would it be bad form to put off being "selected" if it were really windy? What happened to the sailors in the pictures?

1st thought - Can't I do both?

2nd thought - Sailing brings me closer to God.

3rd thought - As badly as I sail, I might get there on my own!

4th thought - If I pass on rapture that means I choose tribulation. However, I choose tribulation every time I try to jibe.

5th thought – The wind conditions ARE really sweet today.

6th thought - If I pass on rapture, have I forfeited salvation, or have I already implicitly forfeited salvation when going out during a tropical storm?

7th thought - Will I have another chance at rapture? I know I’ve experienced Blondie’s Rapture more than once.

8th thought - Is rapture like throwing a loop, except you *know* you're going to have a good landing?

Last thought – If I was raptured while sailing, no one would notice since I disappear from my board all the time.

Rum n Rootbeer Theme Song

This is the theme song to the upcoming Rum and Rootbeer with the theme of “1 Million Years BC.” This is the reality we are trying to reach. Thanks to The Jimmy Castor Bunch for giving us this history lesson. The prose and pure symmetry of the words may truly be appreciated by those of us steeped in the great writers of our time such as Carl Hiaasen, Mark Hinson, and Swami and the Festoons.


What we're gonna do right here is go back, way back, back into time.
When the only people that existed were Troglodytes
...cave men... cave women...Neanderthals...Troglodytes.
Let's take the average cave man at home, listening to his stereo.
Sometimes he'd get up, try to do his thing.
He'd begin to move, something like this: "Dance...dance".
When he got tired of dancing alone, he'd look in the mirror:
"Gotta find a woman gotta find a woman gotta find a woman gotta find a woman".
He'd go down to the lake where all the woman would be
swimming or washing clothes or something.
He'd look around and just reach in and grab one. "Come here...come here".
He'd grab her by the hair. You can't do that today, fellas, cause it might come off.
You'd have a piece of hair in your hand and she'd be swimming away from you (ha-ha). This one woman just lay there, wet, and frightened.
He said: "Move...move".
She got up. She was a big woman. BIG woman.
Her name was Bertha. Bertha Butt.
She was one of the Butt sisters.
He didn't care. He looked up at her and said:
"Sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me!".
She looked down on him.
She was ready to crush him, but she began to like him.
She said: “I'll sock it to ya, Daddy".
He said: "Wha?".
She said: "I'll sock it to ya, Daddy".
You know what he said? He started it way back then.
I wouldn't lie to you. When she said "I'll sock it to ya, Daddy" he said "Right on! Right on!”

Club Meeting Minutes from May 10, 2011 (aka Scribbles from the Scribe)

I wasn’t there but Ann was gracious enough to take the minutes for me. I thought many in attendance would think “No scribe, so I can say what I want and it won’t be recorded”. My shock in reading comments that people thought were off the record was, to say the least, disappointing. Nothing shocking was said. Or was it? Read on to find out if I interpreted Ann’s notes properly. The only one that will know is Ann.

To begin with, his Excellency wasn’t there either. Something about work, being out of town, having to make money to support his windsurfing habit, and realizing that Tiki Mon IV is a high maintenance roommate. I’ve heard it all before. However, our man in charge of all things Vice, Bob Andrews, presented an agenda and called the meeting to order WITHOUT the use of a gavel. Take note, your Eminence. 18 people were present when the meeting was called to order.

Old Business
I’m guessing the first agenda item was discussion of the Smith Regatta under Old Business. Dave made a comment, right off the bat, about needing to better appreciate folks that bust their fanny at the events and other club activities that take place. His statement was followed by shouted “Hallelujahs” and “Amen to that Brother Dave.” Linda said everything was up from the previous year with more registrations, more dinners, and more money at the auction. She didn’t realize I was a little down from coming in near last in every race, but, then, I wasn’t at the meeting.

New Business
Train the trainer session is this weekend, May 14 at 11am. Folks there will check the equipment for needed repairs, rig the sails, and add the board from Linda’s house. Something in these notes about 3 kids’ rigs, then a 2.0 and 2.5 sail, which, from my math, are 2 kids rigs. Kids don’t like to share, so I’m obviously missing something here. We will discuss best practices on the water and life vests must be worn/issued per insurance.

This is verbatim from notes, so you figure it out: “any volunteers for an off weekend lessons/practice to be scheduled – interest expressed by former participants. 2nd weekend in June (11th) is open.” Since we have had close to 50 people express interest in lessons, I’m guessing this means we need to add another day to accommodate everyone and June 11th is looking good.

Wright advised everyone to get a motel room soon. All I can assume is that the public displays of affection at this club meeting were pretty off the charts. The one meeting I miss, and everyone is getting it on. As is custom, Wright will make a lethal punch for Saturday night and eating options will be discussed. Rev. Jones’ punch wasn’t near as lethal as what Wright can concoct. I believe we have a few members that can give testimony to that.

Purser’s report
We have a positive balance in our checkbook and are waiting for the insurance bill which will drop the positive balance while maintaining a positive balance. So, even though the insurance has a negative effect on our balance, our balance remains positive. Our balance takes lots of self esteem courses and sees a counselor once a week.

49 memberships and Bob G. knows about the new ones. Or so someone there says since Bob G. was missing. But, does Bob G. really know anything or does he just pretend to know something?

Mark V. was missing from the meeting so he was signed up for all kinds of stuff. He’ll find out later. Mark V. must stand for Mark the Volunteer. Thanks Mark!!

Last year we budgeted $650 for NIMBY. Wright is asking for $800 this year. Linda motioned to approve, Perry seconded, and all were in favor except Dave who apparently was acting as Mark’s proxy. For those who don’t know, the definition of proxy is ‘surrogate naysayer.’ Motion passed.

The new Windy should be up by end of month. The end of which month still remains a secret.

Other Business
Next board meeting is at Ann’s house

Ray Gray said he appreciates what we do. Trivia question: who originally sang the lyrics “Why don't you do what you do When you did what you did to me.” Initials are JJ.

Don asked if everyone enjoyed the concert Swami and the Festoons had on First Fridays and the response was a resounding “YES!!!!” A tip bucket was suggested for any future events. What wasn’t clear was if the tip bucket would be for money or more like a suggestion box.

Something in the notes about guitar’s want to (looks like Ann’s pen refused to write after that. Must be one of those new Smart pens that refuses to write about guitars.) Since nothing else was written, I reckon I’ll have to speculate on what the guitars want to do, which could be any of these: (1) Play louder, (2) Play much louder, (3) not worry about being in tune, (4) Play louder still.

Ann, apparently tired of writing and wondering how she got roped back into doing this, motioned to adjourn the meeting. Donna seconded. Meeting was adjourned. Apparently the gavel travels with Bill or, could it be, Bill travels with THE GAVEL!!! More on this as the truth unfolds.

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